It'd been some time since Jeph and I had a Star Trek fest, so we decided to launch ourselves at The Borg, everyone's favorite shambling creepy-ass cybervillains. Here's what we watched this time around:
"I, Borg" (Next Generation)
Picard and pals come across a crashed Borg craft with one surviving drone. In spite of all common sense and the two of us yelling "DON'T NO AAAH" at the screen, the crew beam the Borg on board to treat his injuries. They have the sharp idea of tainting him with a computer virus to upload back to the Borg Collective, but everyone gets attached to their new pet Borg and balk at executing the plan. Worth watching for the chilling scene of Picard pretending to be his former Borg identity, Locutus. Woo, brr.
Arctic explorers find some frozen Borgsicles left over from Star Trek: First Contact. Before you can say "Please don't thaw the Borg," it's all assimilation fun-fun time, and Archer and pals have to chase down the fleeing defrosted enemy. A few intense fight scenes (including one where they tackle a Borg drone) and my only fitting response was to yell "USA! USA!"
"The Scorpion, parts 1-2" (Voyager)
Janeway and pals find themselves smack up against Borgspace. Oh no! But they find a Borg-free pathway through it. Oh yes! But it's Borg-free because there's something even worse tearing into the Borg throughout it. Oh no! And so Janeway decides to make an alliance with the Borg against the baddies to get their ship through Borgspace. Oh no? Yes? That can't be good, but it seems to work out, at least for a while. And then Seven of Nine is introduced and it's all Sexy Borg Time on Voyager. I did enjoy this episode, but I'm irritated at how the Borg are undercut by making them approachable and defeatable.
Yelling at Borg episodes is easy because you really need only one response.
"Let's beam the injured Borg on board the ship." No!
"What are these frozen cyborgs we found? Let's defrost them." No!
"Let's make a bargain with the Borg!" No! NO! NO!
Of course, "Look behind you!" and "Don't touch that!" were popular callbacks as well.
I've never seen Trek crew open the airlock to get rid of unwanted bad guys before! That's an excellent solution! We came up with the euphemisms "Hypo-oxygenated discharge" and the simpler "He's walking home."
Starfleet craft in the 24th century and onward have clean shiny interiors like a damn IKEA showroom.
And now, some closing thoughts from Hugh Borg, courtesy of Jeph: