The Flaming Crayfish's House of Gaming Quotes


Shadowgears illustration

It's like this: La Femme Nikita, Sandra Bullock from The Net, Tom Cruise from The Firm, and Cosmo Kramer are kidnapped by mechs and then enslaved in a strange dimension and forced to wear smocks and do slave labor. They manage to break out and then head to an alternate dimension where they team up with Sir Didymus and fight their way to an alternate MIT. Somehow they make it back home and are in the process of fighting a baddie on Newbury Street when it's revealed that La Femme Nikita and Tom Cruise were actually working for the baddies the whole time.

And then we stopped there and got distracted and never found out what happens next, which was bad news for Sandra Bullock because she'd just been turned into a donut right before the stopping point.

"The name of our campaign is 'Hit Marks Kill Everyone.'"

"My goal in this campaign is to wear pants."

"My days of nakedness are behind me!"

"A very attractive woman passes by you."
-- "Look! It's got breasts!"

"It's only been ten minutes and you have six points of paradox!"

"There's nothing like being naked in the April rain."

"If you don't stop I will take my pants off!"
-- "In the game, right?"

"Is this how we get rid of paradox? 'Bad shit happens to Andy?'"

"Too much chlorine in the dice pool!"

"Time flies when you're fighting mechs!"

"I have been cursed to wear no clothes."

No prizes for guessing who said this.
"It's just like The Firm! I just finished reading it! Do you wanna borrow it?"

"Those of you who are not Bonnie -"
-- "Who does that exclude?"

"Plot advance north!"

"James has negative two points of subtlety."

Everyone comments on the hokeyness of having a pair of characters named Marilyn and John.
"Why would Marilyn Monroe have an affair with John Denver?"

"It's just like You Can't Do That on Television. Bonnie, don't encourage your Storyteller!"

"Frosted Lucky Mechs, they're magically delicious!"

"You're each split up."
-- "Into how many pieces?"

Mike reads aloud descriptions of characters
"James - his appearance will be random, but strangely amusing."

"Can cockroaches wear collars?"

"My pants are sparkling!"

Vicki is forced to wear a surprisingly flattering slave uniform.
"It's a push-up smock!"
-- "A WonderSmock!"

"Okay, Bonnie, back to you. You're highly attractive."

"Andy, get in here! Mike's being a bastard now!"

"Me and my newfound attractiveness are distracting the guards."
-- "Describe."

"I'm doing something to bring down the computer system."
-- "Load Windows!"

"I feel like I'm the only mech-e in the room."
-- "YOU ARE!"

"You land in what once was a grove of trees."
-- "What is it now?"
"Well, it's a grove of trees."

"I'm out of the trees!"
-- "Wow, that was quick evolution."

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